Welcome to the Big City....aka- 24 is the worst year

Normally I stray from posting anything too personal on my blog.  I try to keep things decently lighthearted, pop culture related, and fun, but I feel as though I need an outlet to tell my story and that there is no better place than my blog right now.

Let me first say that there have been very few times that I have ever felt unsafe in this city.  I love New York, I make choices to stay in "good" neighborhoods, and I choose to surround myself with upstanding citizens.  Apparently, sometimes none of that matters.

Last night, my life as a bartender took a turn for the worst.  Around 2 AM, I was enjoying a post-work glass of wine with one of my regulars when two men in masks, with guns came in and held us at gunpoint.  We were forced onto our stomachs on the ground, empty our pockets, and robbed.  Aside from me being bruised where the assailants stepped on my thighs and back, nobody got hurt.

To quote Clueless, "when you're about to die, your mind sort of gets very clear."  It's totally true.  Through all of the terror and trauma of being held at gunpoint, my mind sorted itself out into very few categories.  The first was my fear of never seeing my family again, and right behind that was the thought of someone who used to be in my life and no longer is.

I'm still not at all clear about it.  My head is fuzzy, I'm just retelling the same story over and over, and have yet to decide if I'll even be able to go into work today.  I consider myself lucky that nobody got hurt, lucky that I was not alone at the time, and luckier still that I have the most amazingly supportive friends and family to help me deal with everything.

A Quick Side Note

Today I received my first nasty comment on my blog.  Considering I never get any comments on my blog, this came as quite a shock to me, and I decided that the best course of action was to just delete it.  After all, unfortunately, I am a human, I do have feelings, and getting a nasty comment, just kinda sucked.  

On this side note, I realized that I can be a super negative person, although I've been trying to keep this in check lately.  Recently, I have been filling my life with positive and happy people and have left myself feeling far more satisfied with my quality of life.  This revelation has made me wonder why people invite negativity in their lives at all.

I don't know about you, but I don't feel particularly great when I make someone else feel bad.  I don't feel better about myself when I push by someone on my way off the subway, or when I complain at a restaurant.  I feel like the nicer I am, the happier I feel about the world around me.  I know it sounds cheesy, but I like the idea of spreading around some sunshine and love, especially in a world that's pretty tough to live in sometimes.

So in response to this nasty comment I received, tomorrow I think I'll smile a little bit more, be less in a rush in the morning, and tell people in my life how great I think they are.  My recent behaviour is quite a change from who I was a few months ago, but I think I'm starting to like this person better....

Blog Change Roll Call

So I have been "Poser Girl" for about two years now, and I figured out that it really wasn't working for me. So I've decided to go a different route.

The Fake Hipster. Living in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, I have often been asked whether or not I'm a hipster. The short answer is yes and no. I am a hipster in the fact that I like an underground music scene, I wear vintage clothes, and I need to be in a creative environment. I don't however live in an amazing, modern apartment, I don't have much of a disposable income, and my parents don't pay my rent.

Alas, The Fake Hipster was born. Part hipster, part real. I'll be covering everything from fashion trends, to the music scene, to movies, and popular culture.

Same old poser girl, brand new face.

2010 New Year's Resolutions

As 2009 comes to a rapid close, I find myself stressed out about the lack of all I've accomplished in the past year, and the stress of trying to accomplish more in the impending year. Therefore, I think I'll have to set some goals for myself:

10. Start working on my jewelry again- I think my first project will be a Christmas gift for my mom when I get back to Montana. Shhhh, don't tell her.

9. Play the viola- I've been doing this on and off for a decade. Time to get back on?

8. Write more- Finish the screenplays I've been working on, start the ones that have been floating around in my head, and blog more, easy enough.

7. Start running- get my lazy, but wonderful ass back in shape. I used to use running as a form of therapy, somehow that got lost in the mix as I got crazier, coincidence?

6. Drink less- yeah, this may be just a joke.

5. Revel in my alone time- I already do this quite a bit, but I feel like I need to do it some more.

4. Save some money- (see drink less).

3. Maybe get a real job, or another internship, or take some classes- basically, just do something more then wait tables and bartend come the New Year.

2. Finish my grad school applications- my original goal was to have them all in by the first of the year. Yeah, procrastination got the better of me on that one.

1. Be a better friend/lover/daughter- This is always my #1 resolution. I don't think there is anything more important then being a good person to the people that matter most in your life.

So I hope you'll all join me in the New Year and see if any of these goals actually happen. Cheers and Happy Holidays!

Poser Girl in the City: Day 1

So I got to New York last night without any problems, except the fact that I don't have a place to live, and they didn't have my luggage. Yeah, American Airlines lost my luggage. Apparently it got in today and was going to be delivered between 12 and 2, which would've been great, aside from the fact that I had orientation on the other side of Manhattan at 1. So 12-2, didn't really work so well for me. Now I'm simply waiting on it from 6-10 last night, real small window there, thanks guys. I just hope my luggage comes closer to 6 rather then 10.

In other news, I'm frantically looking for an apartment, but my friend and her roommates have been so awesome, they are completely welcoming and understanding. But, me being me, I feel like a huge burden so of course I'm trying to get out of their hair as quickly as possible.

I had my registration at Lee Strasberg today. I'm excited, but the school is not at all what I expected it to be. I guess I'll just have to go and see what it's like. Prior to registration I ate at a cafe next door, it was really yummy, but unfortunately it wasn't a ton of food (not that I need a ton), but now I'm left with a rumbling in my stomach and I have no clue where to eat.*

I got in a fight with the ex-boyfriend today. It's really hard to be away from someone you care about, but it makes it even harder when you don't cope with that the same way. My way of coping is trying to stay close, supporting him, talking, greiving, and realizing it is what it is. His way is to party it out of his system. I guess I just have trust issues and him partying makes me feel like he's celebrating my departure instead of mourning it. Oh well, it is what it is. I'm going to have a nap.

*Reason #472 for wanting a place to call home: So I can buy groceries!